


my heart will learn again to beat

by Anonymous



Category: Naruto
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Canonical Character Death, Danzou's Morally Ambiguous Decisions, Good Intentions Bad Execution, M/M, Pre-Canon, Substitute Lovers, optional happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:07:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26339239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “Should I try to fuck you like him?” Danzou asks mildly.Or: Tobirama dies and Kagami tries to cope.
Relationships: Sarutobi Hiruzen/Shimura Danzou, Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Kagami, Shimura Danzou/Uchiha Kagami
Comments: 8
Kudos: 51
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Danzou

**Author's Note:**

> Each chapter is meant to build on the one before while having its own ending so you can choose where you want it to end. The first and second chapters are dark; the third is the optional happy ending.
> 
> The title is from "Loose Change for the Boatman" by King Charles.

Kagami has always been the best of them. It's almost disappointing that he has the same needs.

“Should I try to fuck you like him?” Danzou asks mildly.

Kagami shakes his head. He's on his elbows and knees on his futon, head down so his forehead is resting between his hands on the mattress. His hair is damp with sweat but still curling at the ends. It shakes every time Danzou pushes into him.

Danzou can't see it, but Kagami’s face must be at least as red as the flush that reaches down his neck and shoulders.

Not Danzou’s type but nice to look at.

“Is that because you want me to do you differently or because you don't know how he would?”

Kagami’s hands tighten on the mattress.

“I could try to talk like him.”

A solid kick to his thigh, just above his knee, sends Danzou toppling over.

He should have expected that, he thinks as he lands with a grunt.

Kagami pushes himself up so he’s sitting.

His face is even redder than Danzou had thought it would be, but that could be the anger.

Or a leftover from the flash of Kagami’s spinning Sharingan.

He blinked it away quickly, but that doesn't change anything- even the most reasonable of Uchihas is, fundamentally, more emotional than logical.

“Get out,” Kagami tells him.

Massaging his shoulder, Danzou asks, “Are you sure that's what you want? We both know I'm the only person you could trust to ask this of.”

Jaw working angrily, Kagami glances away.

Danzou fights a sigh. Being a good person really doesn't bring you much other than heartache.

“I really was only asking,” Danzou lies.

“No, you weren't.”

Hiruzen would have fallen for the lie. Danzou must be getting complacent.

“Is it still a no, then?”

“How could it be anything else?”

Danzou does sigh this time. “You had to get plastered last night to admit the ‘disgraceful’ thing you wanted. Could you get yourself to ask me again? Who else would you go to? Torifu? _Hiruzen?_ If this is something you need to try, this is your one chance.”

Kagami runs a hand through his hair, agitation pouring off him.

Danzou politely doesn't mention that Kagami is still hard. Contrary to what Hiruzen might claim, he isn’t a monster.

He's trying to do something kind.

Kindness is just messy with Uchihas. Tobirama understood that.

“I know you aren't him,” Kagami says softly. “Just do whatever you do with Hiruzen.”

“That's definitely not what you want to ask for,” Danzou says flatly.

Kagami blanches, and Danzou laughs.

“Don't look so worried! Hiruzen and I just have different needs than you.”

“That's exactly why I look worried.”

Shaking his head, Danzou nudges Kagami with his foot. “You just want me to fuck you and pretend you aren't pretending I'm a replacement. Right?”

Kagami nods, but he looks away again.

Danzou nudges him again, harder. “I told you, didn't I? This is hard for you, not me. I'm not the one with a broken heart.”

“Danzou-”

“My heart is very safe. You don't even want me to use a henge. It's practically romantic.”

Kagami only looks more distressed.

Groaning, Danzou drops onto his back and knocks his head against the floor. The tatami mat is too soft to hurt, unlike Kagami’s head. “Damn Uchihas. You're always complicating things.” Lifting his head, he glares at his teammate. “You need to get fucked. I’m happy to fuck you. All of this mess is just you tripping over your own brain.

“I don't love you, Kagami. If I did, I wouldn't have said yes.” Humming, Danzou adds an extra layer of distraction. “Or let Homura fuck me.”

 _“Homura?”_ Kagami wrinkles his nose, as Danzou had predicted he would. “You couldn't have fucked a straighter man. Why would you fuck him?”

“He wanted to try, and I was available. What can I say? It was fun watching him not meet my eyes for a week.”

Danzou shrugs, and after a moment, Kagami laughs. It isn't a full laugh, but it never will be again.

 _The only flower in Konoha that only blooms once is an Uchiha’s love,_ Tobirama had said once. He'd been in a rare poetic mood that afternoon. Usually it was Hiruzen or Hashirama going on about love, but as they sat in his office, he'd paused in the middle of his lesson on clan dynamics and added that single, out of character line.

Kagami is the one who found what Kumo left of the hokage’s body.

Danzou would have found it with him, had it not been for a poorly placed branch he'd tripped over, but he'd limped over when he heard Kagami’s shout, close enough to arrive first despite his injury.

Finally relaxing, Kagami asks, “You're sure?”

“The only time I'm not sure is when Hiruzen opens his fool mouth and I have to decide whether it's worth waiting to hit him.”

Kagami laughs again, weak but genuine, and Danzou lets himself smile while he raises an eyebrow, questioning.

The laughter disappears, but Kagami nods and silently gets back on his elbows and knees.

Like the first time he knelt behind Kagami, Danzou lets himself wonder for a moment whether Tobirama actually fucked his favorite subordinate.

It doesn't matter, Danzou decides for the second time as he makes sure that Kagami is relaxed enough to try again.

Tobirama is dead, and Kagami is in pieces.

He's too important to risk losing now. If fucking him will keep him together, Danzou is happy to oblige.

Usually, the things he has to do are unpleasant.

Kagami draws a long breath in as Danzou slips his fingers out and pushes in.

Danzou taps the back of Kagami’s leg.

After a moment, Kagami nods. “I'm fine. Just thinking.”

“Don't think too much. I don't mind being a replacement, but Hiruzen will get mad if I let you go into some Uchiha fugue state.”

Kagami tenses. “Hiruzen knows?”

“No, but you'll have trouble looking at me tomorrow just like Homura did and he’ll put it together. He's naïve, not stupid.”

Danzou cranes his neck in time to see Kagami swallow.

“Which would happen even if we stopped.” Kagami huffs. “You better be good at this, Danzou.”

“It's been a while since I was on this side of things, but I should do just fine,” Danzou tells him sourly. “If not, you’ll have to change your fantasy.”

* * *

Danzou had forgotten that Kagami’s speed comes with equal stamina. His teammate is thin, which makes him look smaller than he actually is, and Danzou has been training with Hiruzen almost exclusively. Kagami’s impossible ability not to be more than a little winded by anyone but Tobirama had slipped his mind- and even Tobirama had actually had to work to dodge him.

It's less embarrassing for Danzou that Kagami is breathing hard, too.

If they'd been on their own, Kagami and Tobirama could have escaped the Kinkaku Force.

If the rest of the team hadn't been so inadequate, Tobirama would have survived and Konoha would have a hokage who could do easy, kind things as well as necessary evils.

Without meaning to, Danzou clenches his hands, and Kagami moans, the sound muffled by his arm.

If Danzou hadn't been so slow, if Torifu hadn't been so slow, if Homura and Koharu hadn't been so slow, if Hiruzen hadn't been so slow. If Tobirama, already worn out from earlier fights, hadn't been saddled with the task of distracting an entire squad of fresh ninjas so his wounded comrades could escape-

The fastest ninja in the world died for the sake of six undeserving fools.

Tobirama should have left them to fend for themselves. Anyone strong enough to survive was worthy of returning.

What good is the Will of Fire if the strongest die and leave behind weaker men? The village is more vulnerable without Tobirama.

Hiruzen is too peaceable. He’ll be a weak hokage, and the other nations will see it quickly.

Kagami moans again, the sound interrupting his gasping breaths, and Danzou reaches around Kagami’s hip to give him a quick tug- it isn't exactly part of their agreement, but they're all living lives they shouldn't have. If Kagami doesn’t object, why would Danzou?

It's not as if Tobirama wouldn’t have touched Kagami.

Although, Danzou revises at the sharp breath Kagami draws in, maybe Tobirama didn’t.

This would be easier if Kagami would just say whether he and Tobirama slept together. Trying to wear out someone with Kagami’s kind of stamina is impossible; Danzou needs the edge of knowing what's going to get to Kagami emotionally.

“Stop trying to be considerate,” Danzou grumbles as Kagami hides another moan. “Would you be silent with him?”

“Don't-”

“We agreed that this is only happening once. I already told you it means nothing to me. Take what you need.”

“But-”

“Take what you need, you stupid bastard,” Danzou hisses.

Why do good hearts always make people so weak? How many times does Danzou have to tell him-

“Harder.” Kagami doesn't look up. “I want- Like you've wanted me for years.”

Danzou sends up a prayer of thanks and shifts so he's lying over Kagami’s back. They're too close in height for Danzou to cover him the way Tobirama would, but this illusion doesn't have to be perfect.

Kagami’s Sharingan would find a flaw in it anyway.

Now that he finally has some direction, Danzou leans his weight on Kagami. He lets his head drop so he's breathing on the back of Kagami’s neck.

A tight, “To-” slips out of Kagami’s mouth before he swallows it down.

“You're not helping anyone by doing this by half,” Danzou pants. “Just say his name, Kagami. This is my home. There's no one who can hear you.”

“I can't,” Kagami says, almost a sob.

“Then don't.”

If Kagami is going to waste this, that's his choice. Danzou did more than he had to.

More than he meant to.

He really hasn't fucked anyone in a long time, and Kagami clearly likes it.

If Tobirama did die without fucking Kagami, it's his loss. Maybe it's been too long, but the way Kagami moans every time Danzou pushes into him sounds like he's never wanted anything else.

Danzou had thought Kagami would just lie there and close his eyes, but even if Kagami won't just say Tobirama’s name, he at least isn't just telling Danzou to get on with it.

Danzou gets so caught up in the rare feeling of being on top that he doesn't notice Kagami shifting until Kagami’s hand closes around his.

“Like this,” he pants, squeezing Danzou’s hand tighter and moving his hand faster. “Just a little- ah!- more.”

He doesn't take his hand away, and Danzou doesn't make him.

It's a shame Kagami doesn't want to do anything else; he's bigger than Hiruzen, and talking to Hiruzen about it would annoy him.

Danzou could always lie.

Kagami gives up on keeping quiet. He groans every time Danzou thrusts into him, and if it weren't for Hiruzen, Danzou would be disappointed that they're only doing this once. Kagami sounds like he wants it for the rest of his life.

On a whim, Danzou slides his free hand around to Kagami’s chest and strokes one of Kagami’s nipples with his thumb.

“Tobira-” Kagami chokes on the name.

Was this something Tobirama did with him? Or merely an unfulfilled fantasy?

Danzou doesn't ask, but when he does it again, Kagami blurts, “Tobirama!”

Finally.

Danzou doesn't say anything. He's getting what he wants, and so is Kagami.

“Tobirama,” Kagami says again. The name catches on a moan as Danzou drives home hard.

Every time after that, it's Tobirama or a shortening of it.

Did Kagami ever actually tell Tobirama any of this? Danzou can't imagine Tobirama returning Kagami's feelings, but Tobirama liking an Uchiha at all was just as incomprehensible once.

Kagami stops calling for Tobirama eventually, but he’s breathing so fast, he probably can't remember how to speak.

He keeps tensing up like he's about to come, only to fight it. It feels good, but it's driving Danzou mad. He won't let himself come until Kagami does.

“Are you waiting for him, Kagami?” Danzou asks, turning his head to speak in Kagami’s ear. “Do you need to hear him tell you it's okay to come?”

The noise Kagami makes is close enough to a yes.

“He can't tell you, so why don’t you make him hear what you want?”

Danzou snaps his hips.

“He must be listening. You know he is. Tell him, Kagami.”

Gasping for breath, Kagami chokes out, “Tobirama, please, I- I want- I’m- Fuck!”

“Say it,” Danzou orders, freeing his hands. He straightens up, hauling Kagami along by the shoulders, and holds him in place against Danzou’s chest.

Tobirama didn't cajole. He commanded and expected to be obeyed.

“If you want it, Kagami, you have to say it.”

“Tobirama,” Kagami whines, chest heaving. “I want Tobirama.”

“What do you want from Tobirama?”

“I want-” Kagami squirms, avoiding the question, so Danzou starts pulling out.

Before he can, Kagami blurts, “I want him to make me come." Slumping, he says softly, “I want him to be alive.”

Don't they all.

Easing his hold, Danzou leans forward again and pushes Kagami’s head back down with one hand so Kagami's ass is in the air. He wraps the other hand around Kagami’s cock once more, jerks Kagami hard and fast, and fucks Kagami the way anyone would if they could.

Kagami comes quickly like that, his fingers buried in the futon, and sobs Tobirama’s name.

Danzou pulls out and quickly finishes by hand. He comes on Kagami's ass, painting his skin like Tobirama surely would have.

Exhausted, Danzou drops down onto the tatami mat next to the futon.

Kagami collapses a moment later.

They're both sweaty and breathing hard.

“Hiruzen won't be as good as Tobirama,” Danzou says into the dark room, "but I’ll keep him on the right path, as will Utatane and Koharu.”

“He’ll be a good hokage,” Kagami says thickly. “You're too hard on him.”

“And you're too soft.” Huffing a breathless laugh, Danzou shakes his head. “But that's probably why you were Tobirama’s favorite. You're kinder than people like he and I can be. Always thinking well of other people- a rare trait, especially among Uchihas.”

“Don't.”

“Don't what? Everyone knows he trusted you more than the rest of us. He would have made you hokage if you wouldn't have hated it.”

A lie but a small one.

“He was scared of your clan, Kagami, but he listened to you. He promoted Uchihas on your word alone. It's no secret he was fond of you.”

Kagami draws a shaky breath in.

“I believe the term ‘beloved’ has been used to describe you as well.” Danzou reaches for his discarded kimono and gets to his feet. “The funeral is tomorrow. Should I plan on you coming back after it?”

“No,” Kagami says, voice rough. “Like you said, this was a one-time thing. I can handle everything else.”

Danzou pats Kagami’s shoulder. “He wouldn't blame you for trying to live with it.”

He leaves without waiting for Kagami to speak.

The flash of red as he turned away was answer enough.


	2. Danzou

“Do you think they ever…?”

Hiruzen gestures vaguely.

“Fucked?” Danzou supplies. “You mean Kagami and Tobirama?”

“Do you have to say it like that?” Hiruzen complains. “You make it sound so dirty.”

From his perch on the edge of the hokage’s desk, legs held open by Hiruzen, Danzou fights the urge to point out that fucking involves moving, something Hiruzen isn't doing. “Would ‘made love’ have sounded better?”

Hiruzen makes a face. “Not coming from you.”

“Then don't complain about me saying fuck.”

“Fine. You didn't answer my question, though.”

“I have no idea,” Danzou admits. He left Kagami as uncertain as he'd been when Kagami asked him for the favor.

“Not even a little?” Hiruzen presses. He finally pulls back a little, then thrusts back in.

“None,” Danzou says slowly. “I don't think Tobirama had sex at all.”

Hiruzen snorts as he repositions himself, hopefully to get on with actually fucking Danzou. “He definitely did. He just didn't talk about it.”

“How do you know?”

“Hashirama tended to reminisce when he drank. One time, he told me a long, uncomfortable story about his brother getting caught with his pants down with a Hatake. Apparently, Hashirama wasn't sure which was his brother.”

Danzou winces. “Well, it was probably one-sided. Tobirama liked Kagami, but he didn't like many people. We may be seeing more than there was.”

“No,” Hiruzen says slowly. “No, I don't think we are. They may not have, as you said, fucked-”

“It sounds weird when you say it,” Danzou complains.

“-but I think Tobirama did love him. Maybe, if they'd both lived…”

The suggestion Hiruzen won't say is as clear as it is strange.

“A marriage?” Danzou asks. “Hashirama did have a number of children. The line is secure, and it might have endeared the village to the Uchihas. And the Uchihas to the village.”

“And made Tobirama less suspicious of them?”

Danzou chuckles. “I doubt even Kagami could do that.”

“You never know. Love does strange things to people.

“Is that so? Well, I know what _I_ love.”

Hiruzen sighs. “You're so difficult.”

“Maybe,” Danzou says, “I wouldn't be if you'd just give me what you promised.”

“Huh. Fucking our friend got you really wound up.”

“Shut up or I’ll do this myself.”

Hiruzen grins. “After sneaking here in the dead of night? Give me an hour and I'll make you come at least four times.”

“At least? Prove it.”

Still grinning, Hiruzen leans in and licks Danzou’s nipple. “I intend to.”

* * *

Danzou only comes three times, but Hiruzen claims it’s because Danzou had just come, so he was at a disadvantage.

Finally fucked out, Danzou ignores him.

* * *

Kagami meets Danzou’s eyes at the funeral without flinching, and if it weren't for the people around, Danzou would smile.

Kagami can be just as stubborn as Danzou. He's just quieter about it.

That, Danzou thinks as he looks back at the portrait of Tobirama, might be what Tobirama liked. After being harried by his brother for years and putting up with his obnoxious genin team, Tobirama had probably been relieved that it was quiet, dutiful Kagami who had the crush on him- and he must have known.

Or, Danzou reflects, Tobirama just fucked Kagami and knew a good thing when he was in it.

It doesn't matter, of course.

Tobirama is dead, and Kagami is just an Uchiha who once had a hokage’s favor.

He’ll be forgotten. His place in Tobirama’s favor will be forgotten. All six of them but Hiruzen will be pushed into the shadows.

Homura and Koharu will fight it, but Hiruzen is the hokage now.

The age of Tobirama and his team has come to an end.

Kagami will survive or he won't. The former would be better but isn't necessary.

Regardless, his Sharingan belongs to the village.

* * *

Kagami is married within a month of the funeral.

His wife is a pretty Uchiha woman a year younger than he is. They seem happy enough.

Every time Danzou sees them, he remembers Kagami begging for Tobirama and wonders if the awkwardness between the couple is due to the newness of their relationship or if Kagami’s wife knows more about Kagami’s grief than she lets on.

* * *

Kagami is dead within six months of Tobirama.

Danzou volunteers to look for him when he doesn't return from a mission, and with the world so fragile, he leaves to fetch Kagami alone but returns with remains.

Kagami’s pregnant widow insists on seeing the body, and Hiruzen, despite Danzou’s pointed suggestion that allowing this would be unwise, supports her demand.

“Where are his eyes?” she asks as soon as she sees what's left of her husband.

The famed Uchiha sentimentality.

“I wasn't able to bring them back,” Danzou tells her. “The Sharingan is too valuable to risk another village taking. When he realized he was going to die, he destroyed them.”

“Mangekyou,” she corrects. “Kagami had awakened the Mangekyou Sharingan.”

“I’m sorry,” Hiruzen says quietly.

“The Mangekyou causes blindness with use,” the widow continues, toneless. “My husband wouldn't simply destroy something that could prevent someone else from losing their sight. The Eternal Mangekyou could have benefited the village.”

She leaves without touching Kagami’s body.

Hiruzen turns to Danzou. “Did you know Kagami had awakened the Mangekyou?”

“I did.”

“Since when?”

“When do you think, Hiruzen?”

Sighing, Hiruzen shakes his head. “This is bad, Danzou. Kagami was a bridge between his clan and the rest of the village. For him to die alone, so far from home… The Uchihas are going to be angry.”

Danzou shrugs. “Aren't they always?”


	3. Kagami

Tobirama lets himself be pushed onto his back on the tatami floor, shirtless and without his happuri, but he looks up curiously as Kagami fumbles with his own shirt.

“What's wrong?”

Kagami bites his cheek. Tobirama has no patience for lies. It's an admirable and impossible trait.

All Kagami wants is to spend the rest of eternity knowing what Tobirama's body feels like against his. It doesn't matter if he only felt it once; it would be enough.

Can't reality wait a little while?

“Kagami.” Tobirama catches Kagami’s wrists, his long fingers wrapping around them firmly. He won't let anything more happen until he's satisfied. “Tell me what's wrong.”

Tobirama isn't nearly as cold as he acts; he’s just stubborn. Stubborn and passionate and worried.

Courting him, as Hikaku had called it sourly, had been one part being competent, two parts keeping him company, and one part getting caught looking at Tobirama’s ass.

The last hadn't been intentional, but Tobirama had turned pink and cleared his throat when it happened the first time. After seeing him impassively shrug off the passes other people made at him, Kagami had been thrown, but he'd found opportunities to be caught and, uniquely, didn't get scolded.

If only Kagami had reminded himself of that blush and taken advantage of the moment they'd had together the night before Tobirama died.

Sleeping with Danzou would have been a greater betrayal, though, wouldn't it? If Kagami had actually kissed Tobirama and still begged Danzou for that one night…

Danzou’s promise that Tobirama wouldn't mind only made the guilt worse.

Kagami swallows. “I don't want to tell you.”

If Tobirama insists, Kagami will tell him.

Tobirama strokes the delicate skin of Kagami’s wrists. His forehead is creased, his eyes narrowed in thought.

Kagami looks down at him steadily.

He wants to kiss Tobirama again, but his conscience won't let him.

Tobirama wets his lips; Kagami can't help but track the movement of Tobirama’s tongue.

“Kagami, if you'd rather not continue-”

“I had sex with Danzou,” Kagami interrupts.

He wants to continue. For years, he's wanted Tobirama to continue every touch.

Surprising Tobirama is a rare feat, but Kagami just managed it.

“You and Danzou?” Tobirama asks, eyes scanning Kagami’s face. “Shimura Danzou, from your team?”

Kagami nods. His face must be red with shame now. “It was after you died.”

Tobirama blinks.

“I thought it would make surviving easier,” Kagami explains, unprompted. “I thought that if I could just have you for myself before we buried you, I could refocus on the village.”

“So you had sex with Danzou,” Tobirama says. “As a distraction.”

Nothing in his face or voice gives away what he's thinking.

That's a tell in itself.

“As a substitute.” Kagami nods. “He said he was willing to try, and I was desperate.”

Tobirama tilts his head. “Does that mean the sex was good or not?”

Kagami blinks, startled.

Tobirama looks up steadily.

Kagami gives the question the thought it deserves. “It was good because I was thinking about you.”

Tobirama releases Kagami’s wrists, but he only drops them to pull Kagami down for a soft kiss.

He likes kissing softly. Kagami's fantasies had always been of them rushing and being rough, but Tobirama has only been gentle with him since Kagami’s journey from his body to this place ended with him walking into a house like Tobirama’s back in the world of the living and kissing him as if that's how they’ve always greeted each other.

Tobirama had made a soft noise of surprise then kissed him back.

Kagami lays his hands on Tobirama's chest and spreads his fingers. “I was married, Tobirama. It was just to continue the line; she had as little interest in me as I had in her. But I did get her pregnant the usual way.”

He looks down at Tobirama and waits.

Tobirama raises one eyebrow. “You had obligations. I understand.”

“But-”

Tobirama pulls Kagami down again, this time for a hard kiss that makes Kagami’s heart race.

When it ends, Tobirama strokes Kagami’s hair. “Unless you're trying to tell me you don't want to do this after all-”

Kagami shakes his head. “I'm not.”

“Then that's all I care about.”

He pulls on Kagami until Kagami is lying flat on top of him, and Kagami moans into his mouth.

Tobirama is hard against his leg. Tobirama's hands are wide and warm. His lips are soft. His breath is hot on Kagami’s skin. His voice is rough as he says Kagami’s name.

He's finally Kagami’s.

* * *

Kagami’s other secret, which he'd forgotten about in his excitement, comes to light when Tobirama looks up after pulling Kagami’s uniform pants down.

“Mangekyou?” Tobirama asks, frowning.

Kagami nods.

“You didn't have that when I died.”

Kagami nods again. “They're my own,” he promises.

Tobirama’s lips twist unhappily. “The thought of you taking someone's eyes hadn’t occurred to me, much less that they were stolen.” He curls a warm hand around Kagami’s calf. “Did you go blind?”

“I wouldn't have been allowed to take missions outside the village much longer, but I could still see some things.”

“And now?”

“I can see you.”

Tobirama’s lips twitch again, so Kagami traces the blurry red line that crosses Tobirama's cheek.

“I’m happy, though. I would have given my sight for Konoha if I’d lived long enough, and I wouldn't have regretted it.”

He doubts it will convince Tobirama- happiness is difficult for him. Contentment is easier, but even that is too fleeting, too difficult to quantify.

“I’m proud of the life I lived,” Kagami says.

Tobirama studies him, clearly unconvinced.

Tracing Tobirama's lower lip with his thumb, Kagami says, “I lived well, and I made my way to you for my reward.”

“You deserve more,” Tobirama says softly.

“I don't, but I do have a request.”

“What is it?”

“I want you to fuck me,” Kagami says, bending to kiss him. “Fuck me and don't leave me.”

Tobirama strokes Kagami’s thighs. “I can't make guarantees about this world, but I won't choose to leave you. Will that suffice?”

Kagami shakes his head. “It won't, so I’ll just have to hold onto you.”

* * *

Tobirama’s belly is trembling when Kagami kisses it.

They've been naked together before, but it was always with other people or during a mission. Seeing Tobirama naked in the context of getting clean in a river or a rare, brother-mandated trip to an onsen- relaxation enforced by multiple of Tobirama's subordinates- disguised as an order from the hokage is nothing like this.

Tobirama is lean even for a ninja.

Proportionately, Kagami is probably heavier.

The concern is silly, but part of him can't help wondering whether Tobirama will get hurt if they do anything athletic.

Tobirama himself would say there's no way to know without trying.

“We can start small,” Kagami reminds him as Tobirama's breath hitches. “It's good to start from the ground and work up, right?”

“You wanted me to fuck you,” Tobirama says instead of agreeing.

“I did, but I didn't say it has to happen right now.”

Kagami would be happy just jerking off next to Tobirama.

“Danzou gave you something you needed,” Tobirama says. “Let me do the same.”

Kagami hides a smile in a kiss he presses to the jut of Tobirama’s hip. Stubborn, prideful man and his strange jealousy.

It's almost a plea, though, and Kagami’s smile fades as he looks back up into Tobirama’s face and sees the concern there.

“You've already given me more than anyone,” he says softly as he moves up Tobirama’s body in search of a kiss, “but I won't argue.”

With Tobirama, the best way to give is to accept.

* * *

Kagami spent a lot of time wondering what having sex with Tobirama would be like. He got a lot of it wrong, but he got some of it exactly right.

Tobirama is flushed pink from his forehead almost to his navel; the blush spans his chest and nearly the breadth of his shoulders. His mouth is open partly, his breath coming in pants. There's sweat gathered along his hairline, darkening his hair from white to dark gray; a bead of it is waiting to fall from his temple.

He can't keep his hands still, but when Kagami pinned one of his wrists to the tatami mat, he stilled and his face turned bright red.

Something to think about later.

Tobirama's other hand is fisted around Kagami’s cock; the tip slides in and out of sight as Kagami rides him.

Foolishly, Kagami had thought about putting on a show. This isn't the first time he's done this, and he knows how to make it look good.

He knows what draws Tobirama’s attention and what keeps it.

He can't do it, though. He can barely think.

Tobirama’s eyes keep dropping to the hand Kagami is fucking, only to return to Kagami’s face.

And down again.

Earlier, as he got Kagami ready, he'd insisted on blowing him, and he'd looked like he loved every moment of it- and he must have, because as soon as Kagami let him, Tobirama had gone back down on him, licking and sucking him until Kagami was hard again.

He might have made Kagami come a second time like that if Kagami hadn't pulled him up for a kiss.

“Kagami,” Tobirama says, voice hoarse. “I'm-”

He cuts himself off and squeezes his eyes shut.

Kagami reaches with his free hand, fumbling for Tobirama’s face. He accidentally mashes Tobirama’s cheek instead of cupping it, but it gets Tobirama to open his eyes.

“You first,” Kagami says. If he sounds like he's begging, that wouldn't be wrong. “Please.”

Tobirama blinks at him for a moment, then nods. He takes his hand off Kagami’s cock and lays it on the back of Kagami’s thigh.

“Like this?” he asks. “Or over?”

“Over.”

Tobirama nods again, and guides Kagami up and off his lap. Kagami tries not to wince at the feeling of Tobirama pulling out, but he knows Tobirama saw it.

In the space of a breath, though, the room tilts and Kagami lands on his back.

He spreads his legs and pulls Tobirama close.

Tobirama is gentle as he presses back in, his eyes fixed on Kagami’s face.

He's big, but Kagami shakes his head when Tobirama reaches for the bottle of oil he’d brought out earlier.

“It feels good,” Kagami promises. He squeezes Tobirama’s shoulder. “It's really good.”

Tobirama swallows; Kagami tracks the motion until Tobirama bottoms out.

Tobirama touches Kagami’s face.

“Nothing hurts?”

Kagami nods. “Still good.”

“Then you want me to-”

_“Please.”_

Tobirama's expression softens, and he kisses Kagami as he draws his hips back.

Like this, Tobirama can fuck him hard and fast like Kagami wants, but he kisses Kagami as he does, gasping between kisses and panting Kagami’s name.

Kagami moves his hand to Tobirama's ass. There isn't much back there, but he can feel Tobirama’s muscles bunch and flex as Tobirama chants Kagami’s name.

“Don't,” Kagami says quickly when Tobirama tries to sit up. “Don't.”

Tobirama’s eyes go wide, but he lets himself be pulled down.

He fucks Kagami harder, his fingers digging in too hard not to bruise as he drives into Kagami.

The noise he makes when he comes is quiet, little more than a gasp.

Kagami kisses the side of Tobirama’s mouth through it.

Tobirama doesn't collapse onto him; he doesn't collapse at all. He kisses Kagami sloppily as he reaches between them. He closes his hand around Kagami’s cock and strokes him hard and fast.

Already close, Kagami comes with a groan when Tobirama starts asking him to come for him.

Kagami lets himself sink into the mat, and only then does Tobirama drop down beside him.

It takes Kagami a long moment to realize his hand hurts because he’s still clutching Tobirama’s wrist.

Flexing his fingers, he gives Tobirama an apologetic look.

Tobirama’s lips twitch in a knowing smile, but he merely flexes his wrist.

“We should wash up,” Kagami tells him.

“When you won't fall on your face,” Tobirama mumbles, pressing his face to Kagami’s shoulder.

Kagami hums and doesn't let himself give into the temptation to drift off. Tobirama will get restless once he's caught his breath, and Kagami finally won't have to feel guilty or stare at the ground when they bathe.

Twisting his neck, he kisses Tobirama’s forehead.

Tobirama is still too thin, but Kagami is looking forward to finding out if he’ll fill out in the afterlife.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
